I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
