I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
