yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want to fling myself into the sun
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
