Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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