I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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