I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
