she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
