What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
