Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
