My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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