Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
