Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
