Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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