I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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