my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
