Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
