You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
