Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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