i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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