Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
