He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
