alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
