I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
