i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
