i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
