I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
