we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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