I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
