she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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