Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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