Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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