Betty ford says i'm here all night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
ttyl tear gas
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
