Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
