Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
