yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
