the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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