at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
