All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
