hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
God, I missed his penis.
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