Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
