Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
