If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
