I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
