I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You may now shotgun with the bride
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
