im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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