Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
