I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
