that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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