I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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