Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
